[M-OOM] Milliways

[organicmeatbag]

Up the stairs Revan goes, two at once to catch up to Bastila. He doesn't call out to stop her though. He actually has no idea why he's following her or what he could possibly say to her anymore.

So maybe that makes him a bit masochistic then, as he rounds the corner in time to see her disappear into her room. It's not only hurting her to keep at this, after all. Or maybe he just doesn't want to give up that easily. They might not have known each other very long – only six years at the most (and he was gone for four of those) – but they have too much history to try and not salvage what friendship they could still have.

In any case, he reaches her door as it closes, coming to a stop as the lock clicks into place. He raises his hand to knock.



Only, he hesitates as a thought comes to mind. He rests his forehead against the doorframe, dropping the barriers he'd put up and opening himself to their Bond instead.

Comments

[jedi-bastila.livejournal.com]

Annoyance and shame fights within Bastila. Annoyance that he can't just let her be. But mostly, shame that she can't let it go.

"I thought I'd acknowledged it, but maybe it wasn't clear," she begins. "I'm relieved that you did have some feelings for me back when we were together. I'd been lead to believe otherwise by our previous conversation, and it had hurt a lot."

Somehow, this conversation leaves her feeling even more exposed than when their Force Bond is open and he can read her. Maybe because she must speak out loud, formally acknowledging everything.

"Revan, I want you to know... I don't like how bitter and angry I've been since your return. I do try to let it go and get over it. I really do. So, yes, I just want you to know: I'm not purposefully holding on to my grudge, it's just not so easy to let go."

[organicmeatbag.livejournal.com]

"I know it's hard." He does know. He does. "But I've only been trying to help by being honest. I guess though, it's not always that helpful," he finishes saying in a murmur.

[jedi-bastila.livejournal.com]

"It's helpful when we understand the same thing," she corrects him. "In our previous conversation, I understood that you had never felt anything more for than for a sister. That you'd forced yourself to be with me. That misunderstanding was unhelpful, not your honesty."

[organicmeatbag.livejournal.com]

Revan frowns. "I would have thought that what I meant was obvious though. Why would you think I had to force myself to be with you?"

He really doesn't understand why she would have thought that. Did she think that little of herself or did she think he was that good at acting and hiding his feeling from her when he was with her? Or did it have to do with the way he told her? He thought he had made it clear enough.

[jedi-bastila.livejournal.com]

"When I asked why you said that you loved me, in the Star Forge, when you had apparently already fallen for Kira, you answered that it was because it was the only way to save me."

How could she have understood anything else? He'd said that he'd been with her only to save her from herself, not because he'd wanted to be.

[organicmeatbag.livejournal.com]

"Was there another way? Maybe there was," he muses, shrugging. "I never meant for it to sound like I was only saying that to save you though. I saved you because I loved you."

[jedi-bastila.livejournal.com]

"I guess anger clouded my reason, that day, and made me hear something worse than you meant," she admits.

Which is not an easy admission to make for her. She wonders if Revan realizes it.

[organicmeatbag.livejournal.com]

He does realize it. He offers a small smile for it. That, and for the fact their talking, not arguing. "Thank you, for admitting that and letting me in."

[jedi-bastila.livejournal.com]

Their Force Bond is still open and it doesn't hurt as it used to. Bastila wonders if they could slowly work towards keeping it open more often than not. Step by step, of course - it would be difficult if not impossible to reopen it permanently right away, after all.

She submits the idea to Revan through their Force Bond, wondering what he'll think of it.

[organicmeatbag.livejournal.com]

Revan nods his assent. It seems like a good idea. Plus, he was never exactly hiding from her in the first place.

[jedi-bastila.livejournal.com]

"How should we work towards it?" she asks. "How often and how long should we keep it open, when would be good times...?"

[organicmeatbag.livejournal.com]

So many questions and planning for something that should be simple.

They'll work through it though.